I’m most struck, though, by your boyfriend’s dismissive attitude toward his kids. Like all children, they need to know they can count on their father; if he doesn’t plan to maintain regular contact with them, I think something is very wrong indeed.

Reflect on that — and then review your options. You could, for example, have a long-term relationship but hold off on living together or marrying until his youngest child has moved out of the house. You’ll still need to be prepared for the complexities of stepfamily life, of course, but at least you may avoid the intensity of day-to-day parenting. In any case, don’t let yourself be taken in by a fantasy that your boyfriend’s kids can be erased from the picture. A man with children always comes as a package deal.

Learning can be like climbing a mountain. During the steep parts of the climb, all of your energy goes into the process and takes great effort. When you first reach a plateau, you have earned a rest. But at some point, you must muster the strength to get up and start the next portion of the climb.

Children approach learning in much the same way. As they learn a new process, they are expending all of their energy into mastering the new concept. The flat parts allow them to practice the new skills and gain confidence before they undertake another steep climb. Our job as parents and teachers is to recognize when each child is “climbing” and when they are in a “plateau” of learning.

There is evidence that the stress we adults feel in our hectic lives gets transferred to our children. If we feel pushed from work, home and the multitude of other responsibilities, we may, in turn, push our children. If our jobs demand that we keep pushing to get ahead, we may feel that our children must do the same to stay in front in school.

I would challenge you to consider why you feel the need to “push” your 6-year-old. As a parent, you will always have the responsibility to encourage your son to work hard, but I believe it is more important that he learn to “push” himself.

In 1981 (revised in 1988) Gerard Elkind wrote a book about this concept. In “The Hurried Child” he examined the ways that parents and society rush children through their childhood. It struck a deep chord with me and challenged my thinking about the many ways that our children are pushed not just by parents but by so many influences. In my next article, I would like to continue this discussion and touch on some of the ways that our society pressures children.

There are strong arguments on both sides of the teen jobs debate. One side claims that teens who work will build a sense of responsibility, pride and develop good work habits such as punctuality. The other side insists that part-time work interferes with schoolwork, reduces needed sleep, and hinders social development. Both sides make good points. The best way to approach your teen’s request is to set goals and boundaries with her before she starts looking for a job. You and your teen can take this opportunity to learn about managing money and setting a budget. Negotiate how much she will spend and save from each paycheck. Ask her to put at least half of her money into long-term savings.

Decide with your teen how many hours she may work per week. Pay attention to the work times of day. Set boundaries so that work does not interfere with school; set up regular times to review her homework. Encourage weekend work or only a summer job, if possible.

Educate your teen about the hazards of working too many hours. A 1998 study conducted by the National Research Council concluded that teens who worked 15 hours per week had lower grades, a higher dropout rate and were not as likely to go to college. Those who worked 20 hours fared even worse.

If you do not want your teen to have job yet, get her involved in school-to-career projects. Consult the counselor or school-to-career coordinator at school to find out more. She will learn about career opportunities and shadow jobs as part of her schoolwork.

Emergent writing, like emergent literacy, requires knowledge about each stage of the writing process. It makes sense to me and is worth exploration. Let’s begin by sorting out how writing develops.

A child’s scribbles are the first stage of writing. It begins as early as 18 to 24 months and is a scientific experiment. Children discover, through their own experimentation, what a crayon is able to do under their control.

In the second stage, children will include mock letters into their scribbles. They aren’t really letters yet, just a new twist to the exploration. This stage may fool some parents and teachers into thinking that the child understands that the letters stand for sounds, but that will come later.

Soon they will add mock words to their writing, by combining groups of random letters into patterns that look like words, but still are not.

Soon after this stage, children begin to recognize their name in print. They develop a personal attachment to the letters in their name, declaring every word that begins like their name as “mine!”

In the primary grades, children understand that writing has to do with sounds, which are represented by letters. Most children come to this conclusion by asking an adult to spell words for them. During this phase, they will invent spelling and begin to think of writing as a tool to communicate. As they see more words in print, they correct the spelling in their heads and on paper.

You can support a preschooler’s writing development by assessing where each child is individually and encouraging the next step in the process.

Here are some ideas for your classroom:

Set up a writing center with mailboxes for each child and lots of interesting paper and pens so the children can write notes to classmates.

Encourage children to use writing to communicate messages. They can write you a reminder note that the tape recorder needs repair, write thank-you letters and make invitations for special events at school.

Have a journal for each child and set aside a quiet time each day where everyone (including you) writes.

The Chinese have 70,000 characters to represent each action. Luckily our system is simpler, but it’s still a process that takes time and understanding.

We often overlook the fact that daily routines can become special rituals. Simple routine activities such as giving the dog a treat, reading the newspaper or watching television and eating popcorn on Friday night foster a feeling of family togetherness that helps shape your child’s identity.

Children need order and predictability, and come to expect these rituals on a daily basis. They know what to expect and how to respond. These routines, which began as necessity, become rituals that shape the family. Like a secret handshake, the rituals have meaning only to family members.

Take a look at some of the rituals within your family and remember that they are little gifts that your give to your children every day. The following is a list of special rituals from other parents:

• The wake-up routine: snuggling, a back rub, juice in bed

• The love note: in a lunch box, backpack or briefcase

• The phone call to/from Mom or Dad after school

• Special foods on certain nights: Friday pizza night, Chinese on Sunday

• Birthdays: choosing what to eat for dinner on your special day

• Bedtime: bath, bedtime story, back patting at sleep time

• Sunday morning: pancakes, bagels and lox, or breakfast at a special restaurant

Children thrive on family rituals, and adults feel good when family rituals are passed from generation to generation. The rituals serve as the glue that binds.

When our son was very young, probably 2-3 years old, we did a lot of hand holding in order to get where we wanted without losing him. My sister taught him that if she squeezed his hand three times it meant “I Love You.” Whenever she did it, he always squeezed her hand back three times. Every once in a while (now that he’s a teenager) we’ll be out and about. I reach over for his hand and give it three quick squeezes. He always turns and smiles at me and squeezes my hand back.

Every so often, my husband will be out driving in my car instead of his. Whenever he does, I can almost always count on my gas tank being filled up the next time I get in to drive. He’s so thoughtful and it shows me he loves me!

When Andrew was about nine or ten, I discovered the time-honored tradition of family scrap-booking in photo albums. I decided to start with one for my son. I worked on it whenever he was playing outside, putting it away as a surprise. One day I forgot and left it out. When he came home, he spied it, grabbed it up and started reading through his book. When he was done, he looked up at me and said, “Wow! Thanks for making this book. I don’t remember seeing these pictures before. What you wrote makes me feel really loved.” I just sat that there with tears in my eyes. I have to keep his book up-to-date, it shows him I care.

My husband, Greg, and Andrew have a habit of finding just the right thing for my Christmas present. It’s usually not the one that they thought. We have a magnetic poetry set and one of the boxes is full of holiday phrases, words and pictures. Andrew wrote a wonderful poem about holiday spirit one Christmas. I was obsessing over how I’d keep this lovely sentiment. In my Christmas stocking that year, I found a rolled up scroll on which he had carefully lettered his poem. That meant more to me than all the other gifts combined.

Another year, they bought an inexpensive picture frame that has a microchip on which you can record a message. Andrew practiced for hours until he could say his message in the allotted time. I carry that little picture with me everywhere I go.

Take time to let your family know how much you love them by word and deed.

Okay, so maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that, but you know the scenario. Boy meets girl, girl becomes hopelessly devoted to defective boy, boy disappoints girl, girl bashes boy. It seems to happen to everyone, everywhere. Through drunken mishaps and endless settling, women on college campuses become disgruntled by dissatisfying relationships with college men. As easy as it would be to agree with the girls in the bathroom that all boys are evil, I’m wondering if boys are the problem.

Thanks to the Sexual Revolution, college women have gained the right to make the sexual choices that we believe are best for ourselves. We are liberated. We control whom we date and when we date them. In a word, we are responsible for our dating destiny. Our dating has evolved into a sort of existentialist experiment.

The idea of existentialism is based on the “freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequence’s of one’s acts.” Nietzsche and Sartre, two of the most famous existentialist philosophers, recognized that life is a series of choices. American society accepts and thrives in this culture of options. Just look around. You have choices everywhere you go, from the color of your hair to having a burger “your way, right away.” Dating today seems to offer the same cornucopia of selections. Yet, as proven by crying episodes in bathrooms and male bashing in sorority houses, girls seem to be a little lost.

Here’s one solution to the heartbreak epidemic among college girls—try taking back the date. And remember, you control your romantic destiny.

1. Make a list. Any girl entering the dating world should have an idea in her mind of characteristics she’s looking for in a boyfriend. This list should not include a wardrobe from Abercrombie and Fitch and a Landrover, but ideals that go to the heart of his character—like honesty and intelligence.

2. Remember the list. Once this list is compiled in your mind, it must be ever-present, like a permanent post-it note on your brain. When you are considering a guy for boyfriend status, go down the list. If he does not possess any of the traits you originally hoped for, save your time and tears. As a colleague of mine told me, you can’t change anyone. Mismatching socks aren’t a deal breaker, lying is.

3. Be aware. If you have acquired a boyfriend, don’t become complacent. That’s how all great empires have collapsed. Instead, monitor your relationship. Do you find yourself constantly making excuses for the man in your life? If so, it’s probably a sign that he’s not worth your time. Use common sense. It really is better to be single than with a guy who doesn’t respect you.

4. Be stubborn. Lastly, and most importantly, the existentialists said that when you make a decision, follow through. If you decide that a guy isn’t for you, stick with it. Don’t, in a moment of lonely despair or drunken weakness, call him and ask if you can come over. This type of reconciliation will get you nowhere.

This guide to dating is meant simply to be just that—a guide. Everyone falters sometimes, including me. If you’ve fallen into a relationship rut, don’t get down on yourself. Just recognize it and move on. Bottom line: You deserve a relationship that makes you blissfully happy, but you have to be assertive to make it happen.